I know that it is the 5th of January, long past new years day but it has taken me a while to think and decide on what this year would be to me. In order for me to explain my New Year let me sum up my Last Year.
We started out last year rather hard, we found that we would give birth to a possibly handicapped child IF we made it to term. We had just finished our treatments and decided to leave the remainder in Gods hands. We had recently moved to Florida and we had no close family to lean on so we had to be our own family unit. We did a lot of growing up in a short amount of time......OK I did a lot of growing up in a short amount of time. I learned potty training is really not glamorous and how gross boys really are and how fascinated with their wee wee's they can truly be. I did not know that pee pee can get in so many hard to reach places. I did not imagine that so many Doctors appointments could ever exist in one month and that giving medication to an infant is really difficult especially if they have texture issues. I learned that therapy is a blessing and that people are either nice and kind or judgy and think you are the worst mom ever. Hospitals are a blessing and insurance is a curse. I learned that some battles are worth fighting for and some are just meant for my husband to fight (I get too emotional too fast) I learned that this year has really put a strain on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and that I am really trying hard not to be too angry. I learned that I am an amazing mom who is on the verge of a meltdown ALL THE TIME.
So this year is going to be Determination. I will conquer all that is set before me.
This year I have learned something else about myself. If it seems too hard I want to give up. I am given a challenge in life where giving up is not an option. I have given up on myself way too often. Every time I start doing something for myself I feel that something else seems more important. When I start to feel pulled in too many directions I just want to stop and drop everything and the first thing that is dropped is something I do for myself. I am the most important person and I have never been selfish enough to say it out loud. I am determined to remember that I am first and foremost.
I am determined to be a better person. I will try to control my filter.....or add a stronger filter? I have offended enough and said too many things that need not be said. I need to realize when and where some things need to be said. I tend to say the wrong thing at the right time but when I need to be that individual I hunker down in my shell and hide. I will be stronger.
I will work towards a better healthier lifestyle. Lets face it people, i have gotten fat....F.A.T. I am determined to lose the love handles and work towards being the better me physically. I need to be able to do more things for my kids so why not start now.....or after we move.
I am determined to teach my son how to eat consistently with a spoon, drink from a bottle or sippy cup, and sit on his own or slightly assisted. I will teach my oldest his ABC (how to recognize them) and his numbers....HELL why not to read too (just kidding)
I am determined to love my husband more. I will show my love in kind gentle ways. I will work to not be so quick to lash out or be angry at him for stupid things. He is the love of my life and my eternal companion. He works hard and deserves a loving home and happy wife to come home to.
I am determined to work on my forgiveness and spiritual growth. Though I feel frustrated and lost it does not mean that I am being punished in any way. I need to understand that these trials I am going through are best for me (saying and realizing it are different things)
Determination is 2015
This year we are moving. I started off our year packing and purging. It almost seems a relief to be able to get rid of all this junk we never use. It is hard work and I am doing it alone. Boxes are starting to be stacked everywhere and chaos has been created. As I am working towards our new place I am realizing that this is the way to begin a New Year. Most people would love to start a year out like this. I am moving to a new area where nobody knows me (kinda) where we have never lived before. It is almost like a clean slate!
2015 here I come!!
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