Everyday is very much the same at my house. I am very routine driven and when my routine is thrown off I feel like my world is out of control. I have learned that routine is good and bad. It is good when you have kids. I have my oldest on a routine when it comes to almost everything food or sleep oriented. It has made my life a little easier because he starts to know when things are coming. It has become a huge blessing for my youngest because even though he is go with the flow it helps me keep everything in order as to when I have my time, Therapy time, feeding time, medicine time, and diaper changing time (diaper changes just seem to slip through my fingers, if I don't watch the time he will soak through a onesie and not even blink.) I am so routine that I even have certain days of the week scheduled for certain chores that need to be done. I KNOW!!!! I'm crazy.
Routine is also bad, It can become like we are stuck in a never ending cycle of doing the same thing every day. It makes us go through the motions but not really be present. It makes us forget that we are individuals that can actually do something different. Does laundry really need to be done on Monday? Do I really need to vacuum or clean the bathroom that currently smells like boy? Does the bed really need to be made even though my husband and oldest child can not resist the urge to mess up a nicely made bed? (I mean seriously what is that about??) NO!!!!
This past week my routine was thrown completely out the window. I mean out of bounds out the window. Way out there.
Lately my life seems to be centered around my youngest son. He has come to be a huge time taker and he does need extra care. He has therapy twice a week at the hospital (which is exhausting) and we do therapy on our own in the home. Every now and then our schedule gets really full of doctors appointments and it becomes so insane that having a "normal" day seems weird. This week was one of those weeks. We had therapy and two additional appointments for Oliver but what was odd was that my wonderful amazing hubby could not watch my oldest so he had to tag along. Usually my oldest will stay home do whatever it is he does and these appointments don't take any time away from him and its like nothing ever happened. I had to take my oldest with me to these appointments and I learned how draining it is on me but more on my oldest child. This is what I learned.
Gabe never asked to have a younger sibling. He is quite happy being the center of attention and craves it most of the time. He has been the center of attention for 2.5 years so yes he should love it. Ollie came along with all his issues and he is learning that sometimes it is not his time but it shouldn't be like that all the time. Gabe is very patient and gentle with his younger brother and loves to take care of him. If Ollie cries he tells me "I got it mommy" and just stands over him like a guardian (doesn't do anything). He tries to make Ollie laugh and Ollie has eyes only for his older brother. They are such good kids together.
After our busy couple of days I went to bed thinking about how Gabe was acting. He had started to get very destructive, acting out, and getting in to things he knows he should not get in to. When I was just so close to being asleep the light bulb went of in my head (yes you know the one) and I knew what needed to be done. We needed to have time with just Gabe. He needed to have a day where he could do anything he wanted. Gabe needed a Gabe day.
I try so hard, so very hard to help my kids not feel like one is more important than the other. That one is not more special. I realized that Gabe may have been feeling left out because all these people were talking to me and Oliver at these appointments. He doesn't get to sit in the big chair and get eye drops, he doesn't get to play with the cool therapy toys or have people love or hug on him. When I work with Ollie it looks like I am playing with him and Gabe wants to join in but can't because he plays too rough sometimes.
We went to the park and played. I actually got off my big butt (it is huge people) and ran around playing hide and seek, Swinging, and sliding (there is a lot of static on plastic slides) and he had a blast. Whatever Gabe wanted to do we did it. We walked over the bridge oh so many times, we walked out to the water and looked at imaginary fishies and looked at the beautiful Lily pads. We talked while sitting on a bench. We had a wonderful lunch and a tantrum less nap time. Gabe had his day where he made decisions and asked nicely, said please and thank you, it was my old Gabe back. I understand how he feels, most times I get in this rut where I feel I am invisible but still have to do things. I want someone to just give me a me day or focus on me for a change. I need to be the center of attention occasionally so I understand.
This week I learned that Gabe needs Gabe time and I need to break my robotic routine to give him what he needs.
The juggle is tricky, the jiggle in the jungle is what got us here !)
