I have three kids. The most recent one entered into our lives in December and hasn't stopped screaming since he was born. He wants the world to know he is here and everybody knows of his presence every time we enter a room because he just has to announce his entrance. He smiles the sweetest smile and has the most beautiful blue eyes. He is a huge chunk of a baby with fat roles for miles. I love him.
The middle kid is amazing. He teaches me everyday that laughing can cure the saddest heart and that with a little determination we can overcome anything. He is stubborn but so lovable. I love him.
The oldest loves to talk, and talk, and talk. He has the biggest personality that fills a room and he wants so hard to always be the good kid. He strives so hard to be the best big brother and to help me everyday. He is super smart and nothing is too challenging. I love him.
These are wonderful children. They are fun to be around and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I am living my dream job. I am lonely.
I have a special needs child.
Every week we plan how our days are going to go based on what appointments we have. On average we have at least one Doctors appointment and one therapy session every week. Every day I spend working around a medication and feeding schedule. We try and fit in therapy practice and working with him on strengthening his body so that one day he will hopefully learn to be as independent as possible. If we make it to the park we're lucky, most days I just send my oldest outside to run his energy out with our barking dog. Nap time is cherished because it's the only time of day where I can focus on myself and even then I have the boob monster (youngest) hanging off of me. Each day is a challenge. Each day is hard work.
I get up most mornings wondering if it's worth the energy to take the kids to the store. I calculate how much energy must be used to just get into the car. I go through a mental check list to be sure I have everything I need for the possibility of a long outing and to be sure that I always have emergency meds available. These are things that most moms think about anyways.
Most days I am doing addition in my head. I am adding up how many calories he has had today and how many more he has to take in order to hit his caloric goal so he can gain weight and develop and grow. I worry that my husband is tired of yet again hearing me talk about his caloric intake, eating challenges, and my concerns over my son not taking a poop. I constantly have a fear of not being able to meet the needs of my other two children because I am so focused on my middle child that I almost make myself sick. I worry that my oldest has to grow up too fast because I am so overwhelmed every day that I have to have him help me do things and despite his eagerness to be my big helper I worry that one day he will resent me for it. Play dates are rare because of how often we have an appointment with somebody. I spend so much energy trying to prove to our physicians and specialists that I am a good mom and I take care of my kid. I also spend a lot of time fighting with nurses that don't want to listen to what I have to say because they think they are right when they have only seen my child once. Despite being surrounded by people I am still lonely.
Whenever I talk to people about my son people automatically get this look in their eyes, it can easily be translated as "bless your heart" which in the south is not a good thing. I get sadness and they feel bad for me. Some people get offended because I can't attend something to help in some way because of my son. A lot of people just plain don't understand a thing. Being a mom of a special needs child means I make a lot of sacrifices to give him a wonderful life. It means that I have a lot of patience and I have become an expert at what works to make the poo come. I can also tell you that no one understands what it's like to be a stay at home mom to a special needs child. How truly lonely it is because someone complains about their kid not learning to walk at 12 months when your kid is 2 and is just barely sitting alone. How you have a picky eater on your hands when my child will only eat a bottle in a certain position and it has to be heated to a certain temperature. Or how when you brag about your child's Growth on the growth chart and they are at the top whatever percentile when my kid doesn't even land anywhere on that chart and I find that information insignificant.
I realized today that despite being surrounded by my three wonderful children and my sexy hot husband I really am lonely. So I ask you this, if you know a mom who has special needs children please just go sit with her and talk about anything other than her child. Paint her toes or fingernails. Bring her a fabulous lunch or drink lemonade on the front porch while stuffing a box of chocolates in your mouths. I can guarantee you that it will seem like paradise to her. An escape from everything she is constantly thinking about. She will feel human. You never know just how far a simple hello could go.
I get up most mornings wondering if it's worth the energy to take the kids to the store. I calculate how much energy must be used to just get into the car. I go through a mental check list to be sure I have everything I need for the possibility of a long outing and to be sure that I always have emergency meds available. These are things that most moms think about anyways.
Most days I am doing addition in my head. I am adding up how many calories he has had today and how many more he has to take in order to hit his caloric goal so he can gain weight and develop and grow. I worry that my husband is tired of yet again hearing me talk about his caloric intake, eating challenges, and my concerns over my son not taking a poop. I constantly have a fear of not being able to meet the needs of my other two children because I am so focused on my middle child that I almost make myself sick. I worry that my oldest has to grow up too fast because I am so overwhelmed every day that I have to have him help me do things and despite his eagerness to be my big helper I worry that one day he will resent me for it. Play dates are rare because of how often we have an appointment with somebody. I spend so much energy trying to prove to our physicians and specialists that I am a good mom and I take care of my kid. I also spend a lot of time fighting with nurses that don't want to listen to what I have to say because they think they are right when they have only seen my child once. Despite being surrounded by people I am still lonely.
Whenever I talk to people about my son people automatically get this look in their eyes, it can easily be translated as "bless your heart" which in the south is not a good thing. I get sadness and they feel bad for me. Some people get offended because I can't attend something to help in some way because of my son. A lot of people just plain don't understand a thing. Being a mom of a special needs child means I make a lot of sacrifices to give him a wonderful life. It means that I have a lot of patience and I have become an expert at what works to make the poo come. I can also tell you that no one understands what it's like to be a stay at home mom to a special needs child. How truly lonely it is because someone complains about their kid not learning to walk at 12 months when your kid is 2 and is just barely sitting alone. How you have a picky eater on your hands when my child will only eat a bottle in a certain position and it has to be heated to a certain temperature. Or how when you brag about your child's Growth on the growth chart and they are at the top whatever percentile when my kid doesn't even land anywhere on that chart and I find that information insignificant.
I realized today that despite being surrounded by my three wonderful children and my sexy hot husband I really am lonely. So I ask you this, if you know a mom who has special needs children please just go sit with her and talk about anything other than her child. Paint her toes or fingernails. Bring her a fabulous lunch or drink lemonade on the front porch while stuffing a box of chocolates in your mouths. I can guarantee you that it will seem like paradise to her. An escape from everything she is constantly thinking about. She will feel human. You never know just how far a simple hello could go.
